I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
