final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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