They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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