Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
