i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
