there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
