guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
