that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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