And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
