Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
