I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
He is an equal opportunity slut.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
