exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
