Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
high people should be assigned attendants
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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