My hand turned me down
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
