he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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