I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
