I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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