just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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