You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
