i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
