drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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