how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
