i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
