My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
