I will die if light touches me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
