I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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