I need help removing her.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
