hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
