Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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