the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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