wakey wakey hands off snakey
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
