The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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