Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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