maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
