My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
