He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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