Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Randomize
