OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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