I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
