I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
