Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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