I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize