never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
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