You can't special order awesome
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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