Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
