Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
