My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
