i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
