he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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