so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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