you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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