Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
