She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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