And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
try to milk me bitch
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