i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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