my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
