I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
