Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
