Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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