I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
