i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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