so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
