i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
