Hey man sorry I got all grabby
This girl is more easily done than said...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
