I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
