i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We don't watch enough power rangers
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
