By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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