definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We are two peas in an std pod
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
