her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
