And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
