i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
