I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize