very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
