Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
