He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i think i have two assholes
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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