Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
