I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You pole danced in your parka.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
